Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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