oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
