We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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