Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize