I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
