Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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