So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
