He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
