What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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