is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
