he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
