I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
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