Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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