Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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