Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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