I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
