Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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