The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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