JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
