I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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