Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
