she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
