I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
