it was like eating out sand paper
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
