I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
