I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
