he shaved USA in his pubs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My bed smells like the plague
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
