I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is the high leading the old right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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