my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
whose ass print is on the piano?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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