I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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