I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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