he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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