HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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