So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
