the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
