So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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