i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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