Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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