Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sext me about skeletons
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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