But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
