dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
