I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
