All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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