The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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