you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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