home. puking in laundry basket.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
