I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drake has all the answers
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
