I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
