my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
