I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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