Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
