Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
