okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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