Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
