Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
