I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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