Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
