So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
