So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
