there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
