once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
