yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
