His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
