i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
