weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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