just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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