So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
